I wish I only lived at night.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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