would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh god it's open bar.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
