Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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