The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
