I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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