if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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