it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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