She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
