Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
