Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
