he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
