I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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