Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
