Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize