$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
