i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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