Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
