I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drake has all the answers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
