Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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