It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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