What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize