Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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