Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
