exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
