I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
