Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
