Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
