omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
