I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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