You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
