i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
