I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
