i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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