$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize