you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
