Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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