FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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