My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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