his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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