I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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