beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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