Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
