No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
