so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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