yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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