I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
