in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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