Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
