I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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