the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
