My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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