Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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