People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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