just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
