We won't sleep together?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
