I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
