Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
