I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
