i think my mom watched the whole time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
