I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
