Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
