...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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