I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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