I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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