So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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