i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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