Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
