girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
