Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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