Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
