but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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