Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
