I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
