I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
