I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
